Mad World
by SisterRaven
Summary: When Ryo is hit by a drunk driver, Dee has to help him cope. Rated for possible language and violence
1. Anticipation

**Mad World**

**Characters: FAKE: Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE, nor do I own any of the characters therein.  Further, this is not written for profit, but rather my own entertainment, and is in no way intended to infringe upon copyright.**

**Warnings: Shonen-ai (duh), possible yaoi in later chapters.  TWT.  High levels of angst (don't expect too much waff in this, people).**

**_Italics_ are thoughts, and *~*~*~*~* is a POV/scene change**

**A quick thanks to Joan-san and Hannah-chan for beta-ing this for me.  Any remaining errors are mine and mine alone.**

**With that out of the way, on with the show…**

Prologue: "Anticipation"

A light misting rain was just starting to fall as Randy "Ryo" McLean drove home through the darkening streets of New York.  It was Friday night, and he was looking very forward to the upcoming weekend.  He and Dee had just closed a big case, and had earned a well-deserved three day weekend.  It would be one of the first times that he and Dee could spend time together at home since Bikky had moved into his own apartment just a few weeks ago.  But, even though the young man had moved out, it was obvious that he was still very close to Ryo; why else would he call the sandy-haired detective and practically beg him to come over and help him cook a fancy meal for Carol?  Ryo smiled fondly at the thought of the blonde trying to make sure everything was "just right" for a romantic evening.  Maybe he and Dee could have a little of the same this weekend.

Ryo turned on his wipers as the rain started to come down a bit more steadily.  He then reached over and turned on some music, not wanting the rhythmic swishing of the wipers to put him to sleep.  As he tuned into a classical music station, he grinned at the song he heard.  It was Ravel's "Bolero," a piece that had been described to him as "lovemaking set to music."  Hearing it, he couldn't help but think of the description as accurate; allowing his mind to wander a little further down that path, he spared a thought for the image of his lover, dark hair all mussed from anything but sleep.

It was these thoughts running through his mind and causing pleasant heat to pool in his groin that caused him to drive a bit faster than usual, wanting to get home.  And it was these slightly distracting thoughts that made him just a little less cautious about checking the traffic at the intersections.  But then, he had a green light ahead, so what was there to check?  So, it was with these thoughts in mind that he failed to see the pickup truck barreling down on the intersection, not even slowing at the red light.  And by the time he saw it, it was too late to do anything, no time to even try to get out of the way, nothing but an attempt to brace for impact and one word falling from his lips, "Dee," immediately drowned out by the scream of metal, the crash of glass, and an enveloping darkness.

*~*~*~*~*

AN: (Hiding behind a large rock) Ano, please don't kill me.  Normally, I wouldn't say this, but since this is just a prologue (and I know, it's a short one at that), I'd like to know if anybody wants to know what happens next.  So, before I post any more, please review!  Besides, reviews are Muse food!


	2. Beautiful Dreamer

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: (looks at ID) Nope, not Sanami Matoh, so I obviously don't own these characters.**

**Warnings: See Prologue**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_  *~*~*~*~* = POV/Scene change**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers.  Review responses are below.**

Chapter 1: "Beautiful Dreamer"

Dee stopped in at a flower shop on his way to the hospital, grabbing a bunch of daffodils for the one person who meant more than the world to him.  He may not have known too much about romance, but he knew that Ryo would love the bright blooms and the sweet smell.  He then rushed over to the hospital, not wanting to miss even one minute he could be spending with Ryo.  He took the elevator to the correct floor and walked down sterile corridors on a path he now knew in his sleep.  He smiled to the nurses on duty, knowing most of them by sight if not by name.  They in turn had become used to the dark-haired man's nightly visits to the room at the end of the hall.  As he got to the door, Dee took a deep breath and put a smile on his face before opening the door.

"Hi, gorgeous.  I'm back.  Did you miss me?  You know I missed you."  Every visit, the same litany.  And just like every other visit for the last 4 months, the only response was the soft beeping of the heart monitor.  Dee continued talking, filling the silence, "I brought some fresh flowers for you.  Daffodils.  I figured anything would be good as long as it drowned out some of the smell of this place, right?"  As he spoke, he took the now-faded flowers from the vase by Ryo's bed and replaced them with the fresh daffodils.  He then sat at Ryo's bedside and took his hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of Ryo's hand every now and again.  Dee sat there and just talked to Ryo, telling him about his day, giving him the latest gossip from the precinct, sharing the dirty jokes he heard.  He talked about Mother Penguin, and the latest from the orphanage.  He told him about Bikky, and how the kid was doing great in school, now that he actually applied himself.  And sometimes he just talked about nothing, telling the sandy-haired man how much he loved him.

All too soon, a nurse came in to let Dee know that visiting hours were over.  "Thanks, Therese.  Just let me say good night, okay?"  She smiled and walked out of the room, waiting outside the door.  "Well, darling, they're kicking me out.  I love you, Ryo.  I'm going to go home and dream about you, and maybe you can dream about me too, huh?  I'll see you tomorrow."  Dee then bent down and bushed a kiss across the his lover's pale forehead.  "Good night, Ryo.  Sweet dreams."

*~*~*~*~*

Dee sat on the sofa at home with a beer in hand, trying to pay attention to the TV.  He wanted to focus on the sitcom playing out on the screen, but his thoughts kept getting away from him.  His mind drifted over the past 4 months, over the time he'd learned to readjust to coming home to an empty apartment.  Thinking about that time, he sometimes found it hard to put everything together.  He could remember certain moments with crystal clarity, but the events between were a blur.  He remembered Drake coming to the apartment, telling him there'd been a car wreck and Ryo was in the hospital, and he remembered staring at the doctor who stood there and calmly explained that Ryo had been unconscious and unresponsive, and that he may not wake up; these moments were sharp in his mind as broken glass, but he couldn't for the life of him remember actually going to the hospital.  Obviously he got there somehow, but it was a complete blur.  Most of those first few weeks were like that, snapshots of moments with nothing to string them together.

Looking back, it was almost surprising to Dee that he'd managed to keep from killing the man who caused the accident.  The bastard had obviously been drunk, but nobody could prove it, since the police who came on the scene found him standing outside his truck drinking from a bottle of Mad Dog.  Clever asshole could argue that he hadn't been drunk while driving, he was just driven to drink by the accident, and that would explain any alcohol in his blood.  When Dee had heard the details, he'd been ready to kill.  He wanted to destroy the bastard that had hurt **his** Ryo and put scars on that beautiful face.  Amazingly enough, it was Berkely Rose who kept him from making such a huge mistake.

_Rose grabbed Dee's arm, ignoring the furious man's yelling and ranting.  He dragged him outside the hospital and practically slammed him against the wall.  The commissioner glared at Dee with hard eyes as he spoke.  "You listen to me, Latener, if you lay one finger on that man, I will see you in jail for assault and attempted manslaughter.  Now, if you really want to go after him, be my guest.  I'm perfectly happy to help nurse Ryo back to health.  And I'll certainly explain to him that you were too much of a selfish bastard to be there for him.  Do I make myself clear?"_

The man's attitude had seriously pissed Dee off at the time…Hell, it still did.  But it had done the trick.  The last thing Dee would ever do was let the Commissioner anywhere near Ryo unless he was around too.

Dee glared down at the can of now-warm beer in his hands.  He got up and walked into the kitchen, pouring the remaining beer down the sink.  Looking over at the clock, he decided to get to bed, as he was on first shift tomorrow.  He walked back through the living room, turning off lights and the television as he passed, and got ready for bed.  Then, just as he had every night for the past 4 months, he knelt down beside the bed and prayed.  "God, thank you for the time you've given me with Ryo.  He's been the best thing that ever happened to me.  Please, help him get well.  I swear, just to hear his voice, and to see those eyes smiling at me, that would be enough.  I don't care about the scars, or any of that.  It's his heart and his soul I'm in love with.  So please, help him wake up.  Amen."  Dee then double checked to see that the alarm clock was on and that his cell phone was next to the bed, just in case.  Finally, his nightly ritual completed, he climbed into the queen-sized bed and pulled up the covers, drifting to sleep where he dreamed of his sandy-haired lover.

*~*~*~*~*

AN: I know this chapter is a bit slow, but I needed to set things up for Dee.  See, Dee can do angst too!  ^.~  I'm also aware that this chapter's a bit short, but I wanted to post it right away since I probably won't be able to post again until next week.  Next chapter: Ryo wakes up (but I'm not promising everything to be "happily ever after")!

Responses to reviewers:

First, thanks to everyone who reviewed!  They really help encourage me.

Bunny Meatball/Odango Usagi: Thank you!  And I don't know, car crashes can be awesome, just not cool.  ^.~

Sweet Sakura Curls: Woo-hoo, my first ever death threat!  ^.^;  Yes, I am pure evil, thanks for noticing.

Isuki: Here's my update!  Hope you enjoyed.

Demeter: Yeah, Ryo is too cute to die, but not too cute to torture.  ^.~

Kitty in the Box: I agree, Ryo always so busy taking care of others, he needs to be taken care of sometimes.

LilSheepi: Yeah, the prologue was short, but I just wanted to give a small taste to start.  Hope this is a bit better for you.

firgodes7: As my mom says, "life isn't fair."  ^.~  Here's the update for ya.

Devil666sc: I'm glad you want more!  Here you go!

Wildefyre: Wow, one of my favorite authors reviewing my fic!  Well, Ryo-san isn't dead, but I'm not sure that comatose counts as "okay."  ^.^;;;


	3. Clearing Skies

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: I had a dream that I owned them, but then I woke up.  Oh, but I do own Marin Fitzroy and Kathy Monroe.**

**Warnings: See Prologue**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_  *~*~*~*~* = POV/Scene change**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers.  Review responses are below.**

Chapter 2: "Clearing Skies"

Dee was pulled from his dreams by the jangling of his alarm clock.  He cursed loudly as he fumbled to turn the damn thing off.  Dee had never been considered a morning person, but it had been infinitely worse since the accident.  Waking up to a bed that should have held another warm body; yanked from the solace of dreams where Ryo was awake and alright.  Some mornings he wanted to scream in frustration, but he always resisted the urge.  He knew, from those first few weeks of Ryo lying comatose in the hospital that if he gave in to that impulse, he would completely loose control and end up on his knees, sobbing.  So instead he walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on as hot as he could stand it.  As Dee stood under that punishing heat, trying to get himself awake, he failed to hear his cell phone ringing on his nightstand.

*~*~*~*~*

Marin Fitzroy sighed to herself as she heard the phone continue to ring and then switch to voicemail.  "Hey, Latener, it's Fitzroy.  Listen, there was a cock-up with the scheduling and we're going to be on second shift today.  So, you might as well get back to bed.  See you later today."  She hung up the phone and swore under her breath.  "Goddamnit, what a way to fuck up my day."  She hoped Dee got her message before he left his apartment.  She'd been partnered with the man for just over three months, and, if asked, would have admitted that she respected the results he got with his job.  She didn't like him as a person, and didn't like the methods he used as a detective, but he did get results.  Of course, she'd been predisposed to dislike the man before she ever met him, having heard stories about his promiscuous lifestyle as well as being told he was something of a loose cannon.  She couldn't say anything to the first of these accusations; he'd never tried anything with her, and he never participated when the guys were sharing their latest sexual conquest stories in the break room.  But he definitely had a flexible view of the rules.  It annoyed her that his behavior was mostly overlooked, but she knew it was due to the results he got.

She was looking forward to the day her usual partner, Kathy Monroe, returned from short term disability leave.  When she'd spoken to the other woman over the weekend, Kathy had said she'd be back in just two more weeks.  _Hmmm.  Well, since my morning is now free, maybe I'll see if Kathy wants to do lunch._  So, slightly more cheerful, Marin left the precinct.

*~*~*~*~*

Dee stepped out of the shower, drying himself quickly.  Wrapping one towel around his hips and draping another around his shoulders, he padded back to the bedroom to dress, but paused when he noticed the message light blinking on his phone.  He frowned as he strode over to the nightstand.  Phone calls to his cell rarely brought good news.  He pushed the button to dial his voicemail and rolled his eyes when he heard the message.  "Geeze, Marin, three months and you still can't use my first name?" he muttered to himself.  _Well, guess I'll be visiting Ryo earlier than usual.  But, hey, I'll be able to spend a bit more time than usual too._  Smiling at that thought, Dee went to the kitchen and turned on the coffeemaker, then went back on got dressed so he could go straight to the precinct from the hospital.  He then walked back out to the kitchen, turned off the coffeemaker and poured the contents into a travel cup.  Grabbing his keys and coat, he left the apartment, and, as soon as the door was locked behind him, he lit up his first cigarette of the day.  Living with Ryo he'd gotten in the habit of not smoking in the apartment.  But, with Ryo in the hospital, he had reverted to his old habit of making breakfast out of black coffee and cigarettes.

*~*~*~*~*

Dee pulled his car into a slot in the hospital's visitor lot.  He took a last drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out in the ashtray.  Thus fortified, he made his way into the hospital and up to Ryo's room.

"Hi, gorgeous.  I'm back.  Did you miss me?  You know I missed you."  Dee took his usual seat at the bedside.  Taking that slender hand in his own, he took just a moment to stare at the face of his comatose lover.  With his free hand, he reached up and caressed Ryo's check with the backs of his fingers.  "You look like you're sleeping here.  I've always loved watching you sleep.  I know, I know, you thought I was just this big horndog, not a romantic bone in my body, but you always did bring out the best in me.  Seeing you asleep, you're always so relaxed, so open.  When you're awake, you sometimes get this little worry line right here…" With those words, Dee brushed his fingers right between Ryo's browns, then went on to play with that familiar sandy hair.  "I don't think I'll ever get tired of telling you how amazing you are.  And it isn't just your gorgeous body.  Your mind is so quick and clever.  And your heart is so warm.  You've given me more than I ever hoped to deserve.  As much as you've given me, I hate to sound greedy; but I'm going to ask you for more.  You have no idea how much I want to see your eyes and hear your voice again.  I know I always tell you, but words don't come close.  I love you, Ryo McLean."  With those words, Dee unconsciously tightened his grip on Ryo's hand.  What happened next, however, caused all of the words to dry up in Dee's throat.  Because he felt those fingers wrap themselves around his hand; felt slight pressure from that slender grip.

"Ryo?" Dee whispered.  "Oh God, Ryo?  Tell me this isn't a dream.  Tell me I'm not going to wake up from this."  Dee blinked several times, feeling a few tears escape down his cheeks, but he didn't dare wipe them away for fear of breaking whatever tenuous connection he and his lover were sharing.  After four months of visits, Dee had barely dared hope for a reaction, any reaction.  But now that he'd gotten one, he was frightened.  Was this just his imagination?  Or maybe just some weird muscle spasm?  However, as the grip on his hand continued, his hope grew and drowned out his doubts.  "Ryo… My God… I'm here.  You can hear me, can't you?"  Tears were now running freely down Dee's cheeks, but his mouth was curved in an amazed smile as he spoke.  "I'm right here, Ryo.  I'm here, waiting for you to come back to me.  Please, you're halfway here already.  Please, come back to me."  Dee kept up a constant monologue, murmuring to the man he loved for close to 20 minutes.  During all of it, the grasp on his hand never slackened.  What happened next, though, caused Dee's heart to seize up in panic: that clutch which had until then been so firm suddenly relaxed.  His tears, which had dried up while he was talking, came back with renewed force.  "No!  Ryo!  Don't leave me again!"  Dee sobbed brokenly.

No sooner were those words out of his mouth when Ryo's hand clenched his in a painful grip as his body jerked slightly and his eyes flew open.  He shakily drew a few deep breaths, as if he had just broken the surface of a lake.  His eyes darted around the unfamiliar surroundings coming to rest on the dark-haired man next to him, who was staring, open-mouthed.  "Dee?" he croaked, in a voice too long unused.  His throat protested the sudden return to activity, however, and he began to cough.  Dee put his arms around Ryo, supporting him until the spasm passed.  Once his breathing returned to normal, Dee said, "Don't try to talk yet, baby.  I'm gonna get you some water.  Stay here for me, please?"  Ryo just nodded, feeling too winded to even try talking.  Dee rushed out of the room and practically ran to the nurse's station.  The nurse on duty was a matronly woman whom Dee had gotten to know over his frequent visits, and he could barely keep from shouting to her.  "Sarah!  Sarah, he's awake!  He's finally awake!"  The words tumbled out, his voice shaking slightly in his excitement.  The woman blinked once, sorting out the words, then a delighted smile broke across her features.  "Awake?  That's wonderful, Mister Latener!"  She bustled from behind the desk and down the hall in the wake of the dark-haired detective.

*~*~*~*~*

When Dee left the room, Ryo sat in the bed, mind spinning, desperately trying to put his thoughts in some sort of order.  When he first woke up, he couldn't figure out where he was, but when he saw Dee there, he felt reassured.  But when he tried to speak, the voice that came out didn't sound like his own.  And, at first, he didn't really understand the look in those green eyes, a sort of disbelieving joy.  Now, however, he realized he was in a hospital, and understood that the car crash he'd thought was just another part of his dreams must have been real.  He began to shake in delayed reaction, those events still fresh and clear in his mind.

Thus it was that Dee burst into the room bearing a large cup of water, only to see Ryo looking lost and forlorn.  He rushed over, putting the cup on the nightstand, and sat on the edge of the bid to gather the sandy-haired man in his arms.  "Shhh, baby.  It's okay now.  It's all gonna be okay."  Ryo clenched his fists in the front of Dee's shirt and buried his face in his chest.

"Don't go.  Just…don't go."  Ryo's voice got a little more normal with every word.  "Promise me.  Stay."

"Oh, baby, I've been here all along.  I'll never leave.  Promise."  Dee laid a chaste kiss on the top of Ryo's head.

The sound of someone politely clearing her throat caused Dee to look up.  He'd completely forgotten about Sarah, and that she'd probably need to examine Ryo now that he was up.  Looking back down, he said, "Ryo?  I'm not going anywhere, but the nurse needs to check you over, okay?  I'm gonna stay right here next to the bed."  Feeling the grip on his shirt loosen, he took one of Ryo's hands in his own as he sat down in the chair and allowed Sarah to get down to the practical business of helping Ryo recover.

*~*~*~*~*

TBC

AN: Another chapter down.  This one turned out a bit waffier than I expected.  Well, the angst fairy stepped out for coffee, and the fluff fairy had to put her two cents in.  ^.~  Oh, and if your wondering, this is most certainly NOT the end.  After all, just because Ryo's awake doesn't mean everything's okay (evil grin).  And how's he going to handle having missed 4 months of his life?

Responses to reviewers:

As always, thanks to everyone for reviewing!  They make me feel so loved!

muyoluv20: Yeah, and unfortunately, since I'm in charge, even more bad things keep happening to these good people. (evil grin)

Swordy: Well, I'm working on longer chapters for you.  Hope this is a bit better.  And don't worry, I plan on being plenty mean to Ryo too!

The Random Queen: Thank you!  Here's the update.

Bunny Meatball/Odango Usagi: Welcome back!  There's a bit more cute in this chapter too, even though the boys had to suffer for it.

ShadowPassinThru: I can't let Ryo die, don't worry.  But that doesn't mean everything's just okay either ^.^;

Sweet Sakura Curls: Welcome back!  I hope this chapter made things a little clearer.  As for lingering damage, we'll have to wait and see.  And the drunk driver?  His punishment remains to be seen.

Devil666sc: And welcome back to you as well!  I'm posting as fast as my muse will let me.

Kitty in the Box: Welcome back!  Thank you for your comments on pacing.  It seems to me that life's really more about lots of waiting with really brief but intense periods of action.

carla: Well, this probably brought more tears to your eyes.  But hopefully a better kind of tears.  ^.^

firgodes7: Thanks for coming back!  Here's the latest.

Nameless: Well, a bit longer for you, ne?

Gayle: Wish I could say I'm sorry, but I was trying to make people cry.  Hopefully this time we got some happy tears.

earthangel13: Why?  Because torturing Ryo and Dee is what I do well. ^.~;

Nittle Grasper Wonder: Thank you for both reviews!  You may just want to keep the tissues handy for the rest of the story.

Chris-Redfield26: Oooo, a Ryo plushie!  Here, here's a Dee plushie to go with it!

Well, see you next chapter!  Ja ne!


	4. Discliplined Breakdown

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: Dee owns Ryo and Ryo owns Dee.  Any attempt on my part to own them would thus result in injuries too terrible to contemplate.**

**Warnings: See Prologue**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_  *~*~*~*~* = POV/Scene change**

**Arrgh, I couldn't access ffn for most of today, so this is getting posted later than usual.  Sumimasen.**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers.  Review responses are below.**

Chapter 3: "Disciplined Breakdown"

After the nurse left the room, Ryo sat for close to 10 minutes, staring down at hands that were thinner and paler than he remembered.  Four months.  It seemed almost impossible.  It was just too much to wrap his head around.  He'd heard the nurse talk about tests and physical therapy, but it had been so hard to focus.  He could bring himself to ask her about what else might have happened to him.  Now, though, he sighed and looked up at Dee's face; suddenly it was a very believable amount of time.  Looking at a face that was nearly as familiar as his own, he realized how much four months could change someone.  It wasn't anything major, just a buildup of all the subtle changes that we got through.  His hair was shaggier, his face thinner and more drawn, his eyes were more tired.  All of these tiny things, changes unnoticeable if you saw that person every day, they all added up to make Ryo feel the full weight of what he'd lost.  He lowered his gaze slightly as he felt the tears start to fall.

Dee had sat silently with Ryo, knowing he would need some time to adjust to what had happened.  But when he saw those eyes drop and tears start, he couldn't stay quiet any longer.  "I love you, Ryo."  Dee didn't want to offer any empty promises that it would all be okay.  He'd been listening to Sarah, and he knew Ryo had a long road ahead yet.  But, if that four months had taught him nothing else, it was that he could never say those four words enough.  "I'm here with you.  We're not alone any more.  I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, Dee.  But… It's just… It's not fair!  Four months, Dee.  Goddamnit, four months without you."  Ryo looked up into those green eyes.  "It's not fair," he repeated.  He could feel anger and resentment bubbling up in his chest.  "Tell me that asshole's rotting in jail Dee."

"Ryo, you don't need to worry about that.  You just need to focus on getting better so you can come home."

"You mean he's not?!  That bastard nearly killed me and he's just out walking around?!"

"Ryo, just calm down.  He was charged with reckless driving, and he had no prior convictions.  He couldn't be put in jail for that."

"It's bullshit, Dee."  Ryo reached up to wipe at the tears on his face, but paused when he felt the scar tissue on his left cheek.  "Huh?"  _What the…?_  "Dee, I need a mirror."

Dee had been half-dreading this request.  The glass in the driver's side window hadn't been completely shatterproof, and several pieces had been embedded in Ryo's face when they brought him in.  The doctors had done an amazing job of patching him up, considering, but there were still scars on his cheek, including a rather vicious one that ran just below his eye and down for almost three inches.  Sighing softly, Dee knew he couldn't reasonably put this off.  "There's a mirror in the bathroom, babe.  I'll help you get there."

Ryo allowed himself to be helped out of bed and into the bathroom.  Feeling unsteady on his feet, he kept his eyes downward while he walked.  He didn't look up until he felt Dee stop walking, and he sway the sink in front of him.  Raising his eyes to his reflection, he gasped.  The person staring back couldn't be him, even if the mirror-Dee had an arm around that person's waist, just like Dee did to his.  But his hair was lanky and dull, his skin was sickly pale, and his frame was drawn and gaunt.  And compounding all of that were the scars.  Objectively, they weren't so bad – they could have been worse, and they were far from disfiguring.  Subjectively, however, they were a physical reminder of just what had happened.  Staring at that face in the mirror, Ryo looked deep into his own eyes, the only feature that hadn't seemed to change, and he felt suddenly ashamed of his appearance.  He looked awful, and he felt terribly ugly.  He wrapped his arms protectively around himself and turned away from the sight.  Voice barely above a whisper, he let out a small sob.  "Oh, God, Dee, how can you stand to look at me like this?"

The ebony haired man tightened his arms around him.  "Because you're gorgeous."  He kept his chest against the shorter man's back, letting him feel the words rumble in his chest.  "You're wonderful, amazing, and a whole hell of a lot of other words.  Now, come on, let's get you sitting back down, you look about ready to fall over."  So saying, he urged Ryo back out of the bathroom and over to the bed.

Ryo sat down wearily.  He felt like he was on an emotional roller coaster, and it was quickly wearing him out.  He felt Dee fluff the pillow so he could lean back comfortably.  "Dee, I don't want any more nasty surprises.  What else happed to me?"

"Don't you think that's something you should talk to your doctor about?"

"Dee, I know you.  You would have found out everything that happened to me.  I know because it's what I would have done for you.  And you'll give me a straight story, you won't try to dress it up with fancy words or anything.  So please, just tell me."

Dee took Ryo's hand in his own once again and sat back down on the chair next to the bed.  "Well, you had a dislocated left shoulder and your left arm broke three inches below the shoulder.  That was a clean break, though, and it healed right up.  The glass from the window shattered, and you saw that.  The doctors didn't think there'd been any nerve damage, but they said they couldn't be sure until you woke up.  You had a very bad head wound, fractured skull, the works.  Because of that, you've been unconscious for four months.  If there's a positive to that, it's that you got to sleep through the worst of your injuries healing."  Through the laundry list of injuries he rattled off, Dee fought to keep his voice calm, but he couldn't help the emotions that played behind his eyes: anger, pain, and frustration, all from not being able to protect the one he loved.  Rational or not, Dee had hated the fact that Ryo had suffered all of this alone, and that he had not been there to shield him.

"Oh.  Is that all?"

"Is that all?!  How can you…"  Dee broke off when he saw the smile Ryo was wearing.  It may have been tired and a bit strained, but it was definitely a smile.  Dee chuckled.  If Ryo was able to make jokes, things might be okay after all.  "I love you, you know."

"Yes, I know," the blonde replied playfully.  Looking in those emerald eyes, however, he relented.  "I love you too, Dee.  So, when do you have to go to work?  I see you're dressed for it."

"Well, I'm supposed to be there in 20 minutes, but if you think you're getting rid of me that easy, you'd better think again.  I just have to go make a phone call to the precinct.  "Don't worry," he said, seeing a frown starting to form, "the chief understands, he won't ream me too bad.  I'll be right back."

"Just don't be too long.  I don't want to have to come find you," the sandy haired man said with a grin.

"Promise."  Dee smiled back, and walked out of the room.  As the door closed behind him, though, his smile slipped.  _Something isn't right.  First he's pissed, then he's crying, and now he's cracking jokes?  This isn't like him_.  Dee shook his head, dismissing the anxiety that was trying to form.  _Shit, Dee, get a hold of yourself.  He just woke up from missing four months of his life.  He's got every right to act a bit off_.  With that thought, Dee pulled out his cell phone and dialed Drake at the precinct.  Hearing his friend's voice answer, he smiled.  "Hey, Drake, it's me, Dee.  Listen can you tell the chief that I'm not coming in today?"  He had to hold the phone away from his ear as a loud string of curses came through the earpiece.  "Listen, calm down man, I'm not being a 'lazy bastard,' as you put it.  Ryo woke up!  …  Yeah, I know.  So, I'm staying at the hospital today.  I'll be in tomorrow, I'll give you the details then.  Talk to you later, okay?  Bye."  He hit the button to disconnect the call, then hit his speed dial again.  He waited while the answering machine on the other end picked up and rattled off its recorded message.  "Yo, Bikky, grab Carol and haul your asses to the hospital.  He's awake, man!  I got my phone on if you need me."  Pressing the button again, he slipped the phone back in his pocket and walked back into the room.

Ryo looked up at his entrance and felt his breath catch slightly.  The grin Dee was wearing lit up his whole face, and Ryo was struck by just how attractive he was.  Smiling, he said, "Hey handsome.  C'mere."  He watched the dark-haired man saunter over to the side of the bed.

"Yes?"  Dee cocked an eyebrow in question, still grinning.

Ryo held up his hand and crooked his finger.  "C'mere.  Closer."

Dee leaned down, putting his hands on the bed to brace himself.  "Like this?"  If anything, his grin got wider.

"Yeah.  That's better."  Ryo leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against the other man's.  His eyes slid closed, basking in that simple contact.  The kiss was tender and chaste, an expression of affection and love.  Ryo broke the kiss and looked up at the man he loved.  He scooted over to one side of the bed and patted the space left vacant.

Dee's grin turned into a sexy smirk.  "Are you sure that's a good idea?" he teased, secretly delighted that he could still make Ryo blush.

"Dee!  That's not what I meant!"  Ryo's voice got softer.  "I just… I don't want to be alone.  I need to know you're here, really here, and not just another part of some fucked-up dream."

Dee slipped his shoes off and climbed into the bed, stretching out on his back in the space left.  He smiled over at Ryo as the brown-eyed man moved over, rolling onto his side, laying his head on the taller man's shoulder and winding an arm possessively across his chest.  "I'm kind of tired, Dee.  Will you stay while I nap?"

"Believe me, I'm not going anywhere.  Unless you start snoring."

"I don't snore!"

"Well then, we're fine, aren't we?"

"Mm-hmm."  Ryo snuggled down more comfortably, pulling the sheet up to his waist, and soon his breathing evened out.

Dee smiled at the warmth radiating from the man next to him.  _Hmm.  This is…perfect_.  He relaxed, letting himself drift off as well.

*~*~*~*~*

TBC

AN: Okay, yes, I know Ryo's OOC, but there's a reason, I promise!  Oh, and for those who wondered: I usually upload the newest chapter on Saturday morning or afternoon (depending on how late I was out Friday night ^.~).  Okies, thank you for reading so far, feel free to use that review button there.

Review responses:

the random queen: I'm writing as fast as I can.  Hope you enjoy.

firgodes7: Well, here's the next one.  You'll see another in a week-ish.

Nittle Grasper Wonder: Here's the update.  Enjoy!

Devil666sc: Yeah, happy Dee and confused Ryo does seem to be par for the course, ne?

Jexia: Thank you!  I liked how that turned out too.

Gayle: Nope, he's not out of the woods.  But he doesn't know that yet. evil grin

Nameless: Why?  Ano, because it's fun?  ^.~

SweetSakuraCurls: Yay, cookies!  Thank you!

Kitty in the Box: Happy tears this time!  Here's the latest.

Chris-Redfield26: Thank you!

ShadowPassinThru: Thank you.  I'm trying to keep the angst and waff in balance.  Glad to know it's going well.

spicysteweddemon: Thank you!  Here's the update.

theromanguardian: I was originally going to leave him asleep for longer, but he didn't cooperate.  So now I just have to torture him more while he's awake for it.  ^.~

Okay, see you all next time!


	5. Echoes of Insanity

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own.**

**Warnings: See Prologue**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_  *~*~*~*~* = POV/Scene change**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers.  Review responses are below.**

Chapter 4: "Echoes of Insanity"

De woke up from his nap feeling quite content, relaxing in the comforting feeling of that body pressed up against his own.  He looked down at the top of that head of brown hair and smiled, bringing up his hand to play with sleep-tousled strands.  As the minutes stretched out, however, Dee had to consciously wrestle down the anxiety that was trying to grow in his mind.  He didn't know if he'd ever be able to watch Ryo sleep again without that little voice wondering if he would wake up, or if he was going to have a relapse.  Dee forced himself to ignore his doubts.  Ryo had been through a lot and needed his rest.  The more rest he got, the sooner he would be better, and the sooner he was better the sooner he could come home.

That pleasant line of thought was interrupted as he felt Ryo start to shudder in his arms.  Dee looked down and saw that older man was obviously in the throes of a nightmare, his hands spasming to clench and release Dee's shirt.  Ryo didn't make any noise beyond his harsh breathing, but whatever visions were playing out before him were obviously painful.  Dee pulled him closer in his arms and began speaking soothing words, trying to reassure his lover.  Ryo first seemed to fight the embrace, then relaxed into it, ceasing his struggles once more.  After a few more minutes he opened his eyes.

Ryo shook his head trying to clear away some of the cobwebs left behind from his dreams.  He knew he'd been having a nightmare, but the details were quickly fading.  Coming to a realization of his position, wrapped in the arms of the one he loved, he smiled and turned his head to look up at that handsome face.  "Mmmmm.  This is nice.  Always wanna wake up like this."  Ryo felt a chuckle rumble through the chest beneath his cheek.  "What's so funny?"

"Nothing much.  Just that you read my mind.  I always want to wake up with you in my arms."  Dee lifted his wrist and looked at his watch.  "Wow, we had a nice little nap.  We'd better get you presentable, the brat should be here soon."

Ryo scowled.  "He's hardly a brat, Dee.  Bikky's 18 now."

"I know, I know.  Just force of habit.  But seriously, I left a message on his machine, so I'm sure he'll grab Carol and come right over.  So let's get you together.  But first…"  Dee let his voice trail off as he lowered his face to Ryo's for soft, tender kiss.  Breaking it off, he whispered, "You have no idea how much I've missed doing that."

Ryo couldn't help the look of guilt that flashed across his face.  "I know.  I'm sorry, Dee.  I should have been more careful.  I should…"

He was cut off the Dee's finger on his lips.  "Enough of that.  It wasn't your fault.  And you're here now, that's the important thing.  Sheesh, enough sap, Ryo.  I'll ruin my image if I keep this up."  Dee smirked.  Hopping off the bed, he reached down and adjusted the bed so Ryo could set up more comfortably.  As the sandy-haired man settled himself into a comfortable position, Dee pulled the covers up to his waist, knowing what little privacy those damn hospital gowns gave.  Just as he was finishing in making his lover comfortable, the door opened.

A blonde head poked in, quickly followed by the rest of the 18-year-old's body.  He rushed over to the bed when he saw that those brown eyes were open and awake.  "Ryo!"  He wrapped his arms around his guardian.  In his relief, he dropped his usual tough-guy exterior.  "Shit, Ryo, I was so worried about you!"

"It's okay, Bikky.  I'm sorry I worried you."  Ryo returned the enthusiastic hug.  Looking up, he caught sight of Carol, who had followed Bikky into the room.  "Hi, Carol.  Thank you for coming to visit."  He held out one arms in invitation, and she crossed over to the other side of the bed to be drawn into his embrace.  After a few moments of this group hugging, Bikky and Carol pulled up chairs next to the bed.  They chatted about inconsequential things, Bikky and Carol's schooling mostly.  The kept things light, trying to maintain a sense of normalcy, and trying to ignore the fact that they were still in a hospital.

After over an hour of this, Ryo let out a yawn.  "Damn.  All of the sleeping I just did, you'd think I wouldn't need to sleep again until I'm dead, but here I am yawning my head off."  Ryo's face crumbled and he felt tears welling up in his eyes.  "Shit.  I'm sorry.  I'm not very good company am I?  I'm sorry for all this," he sobbed.

Dee immediately got up and took Ryo in his arms.  "It's okay, babe.  You've been through a lot.  We understand, don't we?"

Those words seemed to pull Bikky and Carol out of their state of shock.  "Yeah, man, it's all good.  I should probably get home anyway, I got homework to do."

Carol smiled over at Ryo, standing up as she spoke.  "You get some rest, Ryo, so you can get out of here.  Because once you're up for it, I really want you to show me how you make that killer spaghetti of yours."  She gave Ryo a brief hug and then moved aside for Bikky.

"Alright, Ryo, don't let the pervert get out of hand.  We've got to get going."  He gave the older man a hug and stood back next to Carol.

Dee had stayed right by Ryo's side since the sandy-haired man had started crying.  "I'm gonna walk them down to the elevator, then I'll be right back, okay babe?"

"'Kay, Dee.  See you guys later."  Ryo offered a small smile to the young couple.

With that, Dee, Bikky, and Carol exited the room and walked towards the elevators.  Before they got there, though, Bikky turned and confronted Dee.  "What the hell was that all about, man?  Why's he acting all spacey?"

"Bikky, he just woke up and found out he's missed out on four months.  I'm surprised he isn't more emotional.  I know I'd be a freakin' basket case if I were him."  Dee used the same argument he had been telling himself all day.  "Listen, you okay to get home?  You got money for the subway?"

"Yeah, man, we're fine.  Just… Call if anything changes, okay?"

"Will do.  Catch you two later."  With that, Dee left them at the elevators and turned to go back to Ryo's room.

The next few hours passed uneventfully.  Dee sat with Ryo, and they talked, helping Ryo catch up with current events.  Dee grumbled about his temporary partner.  "She drives me nuts, Ryo.  She's so stuck on protocol, completely inflexible.  She and Rose get along great, of course."

Ryo's mouth twisted into a scowl at the mention of the commissioner's name.  "You don't think he'll feel the need to stop by, will he?  I hate dealing with him.  He's such an ass."

"I hope not.  But, tell you what, I'll tell him you shouldn't have company, and ask the nurses to tell him too.  Then you can kick him out if he does come by."

"Thanks.  That would be great."

This kept up until the time came for Dee to leave.  He looked up as the nurse opened the door and looked in, telling him that visiting hours had ended.  Looking back over to the fact of the man he loved, he saw worry written on those features.  "It's gonna be okay, Ryo.  I promise.  I'll be back tomorrow after work.  I'll bring you some CD's and a few books, so you don't get bored, okay?"  He leaned down and gave him a soft kiss goodnight.  "Sleep well, hun.  I'm gonna go dream about you, you know."

"You'll come by tomorrow?" Ryo asked, his eyes worried.

"I haven't missed a day yet, and I'm not gonna start now.  Get some rest.  I'll see you tomorrow, I promise."  With that, Dee took his leave for the night.

*~*~*~*~*

Once he got home, Dee ate the fast food he'd picked up without really tasting it.  Cleaning up, he walked into the bedroom.  Pulling a gym bag from the closet, he decided to get clothes together for when Ryo was ready to come home.  He knew it would be a little while yet, as there were tests to run and therapy to begin, but it gave him something to do, and helped keep him in a positive frame of mind.  He then went to the bookcase in the living room and tried to figure out which of Ryo's books to take in for him.  The half-Japanese man had quite a collection of literature, from classics to modern.  Dee finally ended up picking two at random, grabbing The Art of War and Skinny Legs and All.  Music was easier: lots of jazz and some of Ryo's classical CD's.  These, along with the portable CD player went alongside the bag with his clothes.

Having done as much as he could, Dee finally decided to get ready for bed.  Turning out the lights as he went into the bedroom, he went through the nightly ritual of preparing for sleep.  Finally, walking over and looking down at the large bed, he was struck by just how empty it was.  Having been able to cuddle, even if it was in that uncomfortable hospital bed, made sleeping alone that much harder.  Sighing, he knelt down beside the bed, bowing his head and clasping his hands to pray.

"God… Thank you.  Thank you.  Whatever else, I know that Ryo and I can make it through  now that he's back and we're together again.  Thank you…"  Dee felt tears run down his cheeks again as he gave in to the feeling of relief sweeping through him.  He knelt for a few moments more, just letting the whole day's events wash over him.  He then climbed into bed and fell into a deep slumber.

*~*~*~*~*

A little way across town, Ryo wasn't faring quite so well.  He really didn't want to go to sleep.  After Dee had left he'd sat and watched television for a while, flipping through channels until he found a station playing old movies.  He'd been able to lose himself along with the characters on screen, despite having seen the movie before, and knowing how it ended.  As the credits began, Ryo had found himself yawning and his eyes drooping.  But, like a willful child, he struggled to stay awake.  Now, though, he realized he should roll over and let sleep claim him.  He needed rest so he could get out of this hospital and back home where he belonged.

Ryo let himself drift off to sleep, already anticipating seeing Dee again the next day.  Drifting deeper into slumber, he began to shiver.  Cold.  He was so cold.  Chaotic images swirled out of the darkness around him, not staying long enough to make sense, just increasing his confusion and fear.  Lost.  Where was he?  Alone.  Afraid.  Painful thoughts and memories overcame him.  He mind screamed a mantra of _Help me Help me Helpmehelpmehelpme!_

He jerked from his nightmares to find himself being held down by several nurses and orderlies.  His throat felt raw, as if he'd been yelling.  "Wha?  What's going on?"

"You were screaming, Mr. McLean, and thrashing around."  The nurse on his right side tried to explain to him.  "We had to restrain you to keep you from hurting yourself."

"Oh," he said in a small voice.

The nurse tried to keep her voice gentle as she went on.  "And, as we can't have someone stand around watching you all night, we're going to have to keep you restrained for your own safety.  Do you understand, Mr. McLean?"

"Oh," he repeated again.  "Yeah, I understand."  He lowered his eyes, feeling ashamed at his lack of control, and lay passively as the padded leather was fastened around his wrists.  The nurse then readjusted the covers, tucking him back in.  "Try to get some more sleep, Mr. McLean.  We'll get these off in the morning."

Ryo sighed and closed his eyes, tears dripping down as he drifted back into a restless sleep.

*~*~*~*~*

TBC.

AN: Not sure I like how this chapter turned out, but there it is.  Um, well, nothing else to add except: reviews are always welcome and see you next week.  Ja ne.

Review responses:

First, welcome back to my returning reviewers, and welcome to my new reviewers!  You people make it all worthwhile.

the random queen: Truth is, some of this is based on what happened to a friend of mine who actually was in a car wreck and coma for about a month.  And I agree, I'd freak and start breaking stuff too.

Devil666sc: "Be nice"?  Why start now?  ((evil grin))

The Bard's Apprentice: Thanks!  Here's the latest.

Kitty in the Box: Ano, I'm not sure that Ryo's gonna be "just fine."  Well, physically he will, that I can definitely say.  But remember, Dee only told Ryo what he knew was wrong with him, and Dee doesn't know everything yet.  Yes, I am truly evil and a spawn of darkness.  ^.^

firgodes7: Well, now you know what happens in the next chapter.  Now for: how's Dee gonna react when he sees the restraints on Ryo's bed?

ShadowPassinThru: Dee is a sweetie, in my opinion.  He just feels the need to act like a horndog.

Darkess: Well, I hope your head's a little better now.  Screaming voices are not fun.  I know, my muse screamed a fit until I agreed to actually write this thing. 

Chantrea Johari: Thank you.  I hope you enjoyed this update as well.

Okay, later all!


	6. Fallen From Grace

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: This is fanfiction. If I owned it, I'd be making money off this.**

**Warnings: See Prologue**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_ $$$$$$ = POV/Scene change**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers. Review responses are below.**

****

Chapter 5: "Fallen From Grace"

The following day was a very long one for Ryo. He had not slept well, waking several times in the night from his nightmares. He could never remember what the dreams had been about, just the sickening fear that accompanied them. And each time, the feel of the restraints on his wrists served as a shameful reminder of his position. He felt disgusted with himself, with his inability to even control his behavior. When he woke for the last time that morning, he was remarkably grateful that the call button was still within reach. Once he was released and had been allowed a small bit of privacy to relieve himself, the nurse came in to take his vitals. As she did so, she explained what he could expect for the day. She have a brief idea of the testing he would be undergoing, and some of the doctors he would see.

Ryo knew she was trying to be helpful, but his emotions were still playing hell with him; the more she talked, the more he wanted to yell at her to shut up and go away. He then felt almost instantly guilty for such harsh thoughts. Soon enough, she finished up and asked if he had any questions. "No, thank you." _Or at least, not yet._

First up was the CAT scan. This was definitely the longest, and, surprisingly, most grueling test. Forced to lie perfectly still while they put him in something that reminded him of a coffin too much for comfort, this had to be some new form of torture. The came the assessment by the physical therapist. While the CAT scan had been mentally torturous, the assessment was the physical equivalent. Ryo broke down in tears more than once over the course of the day. But what came next was, in some ways, the worst part of the day: waiting. While the testing was painful and frustrating, at least he'd been doing something. Now, all he had was to kill time and wait for Dee to visit. Ryo had never been much for staring mindlessly at the television, but he desperately needed a distraction. So, he turned the TV on and switched to the same channel as the night before, trying to focus on the movie playing before him. He grinned when he realized it was one of Dee's favorites: The Maltese Falcon. Dee was a big fan of Bogart, and Ryo had gained an appreciation for this movies because of his lover's enthusiasm. So, whit a bit more patience, Ryo let his mind drift, killing the few hours before Dee came by. As the movie ended, Ryo glanced over at the clock. _Dee should be here soon_, he thought. The day had taken its toll, however, and Ryo's eyes were heavy. _Well, I'll just rest my eyes. I'll hear him when he comes in_. He closed his eyes, not intending to fall asleep, but his exhausted mind betrayed him as he slipped into Morpheus' embrace. It wasn't too long after that when small moans and whimpers began to fall from his lips, and his body began to tremble. As the minutes progressed, his shivering became more violent, and his moans got louder, reacting to phantoms only he could see.

$$$$$$

Dee rode the elevator up to Ryo's floor, carrying the bag he packed of Ryo's things. He wanted to talk to the nurses tonight, find out how long they expected Ryo to have to stay. The doors slid open on that familiar corridor, and Dee started down the hall, looking forward to seeing those expressive brown eyes once more. Suddenly, a hoarse yell shattered the quiet. The noise froze the blood in Dee's veins. He was halfway down the hall before he realized it, his body moving without waiting for direction from his brain. That voice, twisted in pain and fear, was as familiar as his own. _My God, Ryo!_. Dee reached the room just after the pair of nurses who had been on duty. He rushed through the door… and froze. The emerald-eyed man stared in shock, every detail seeming to imprint itself on his brain. Ryo lay there, thrashing around, eyes tightly closed, and the noises coming from him were frightened, animalistic whimpers. He saw the nurses struggling to hold him down, fumbling with something on the bed. He suddenly registered the leather restraints that had been attached to the side of the bed, that the nurses were now trying to get on wrists that were flailing about. The only coherent thought that managed to form was _Those weren't there before. What the fuck?_

"Either help or get out, but quit gawking!"

The nurse's harsh words snapped Dee out of his trance. Dropping the bad he'd somehow kept hold of, he strode over to the bed and gripped the sandy-haired man by the shoulders, shaking him gently and calling out his name. "Ryo. Ryo! Wake up! It's just a dream. Wake up. C'mon, Ryo. Wake up. Come back to me." His words seemed to have the desired effect, as the other man stilled and grew quiet in the bed. He heard movement behind him, and turned to see one of the nurses tightening the restraints around Ryo's wrists while the other adjusted his blankets in an attempt to preserve his modesty. Dee's eyes hardened at this indignity. "What do you think you're doing?"

"As you've seen, Mr. McLean needs to be restrained while he's asleep." The nurse sighed, realizing this would be difficult for him to accept. "It's for his own safety. Thrashing around like that, he's going to hurt himself."

"But… But… Look! He's fine now, you don't need to…"

"Dee?" Ryo's voice cut in, stopping Dee's rant before it could get started. He sounded hoarse, but lucid. Dee turned back in time to see realization creep into his lover's eyes. "Oh. I fell asleep again, didn't I? I'm sorry." This last was directed at the nurse.

"No apology needed, Mr. McLean. Your doctor has said that, provided you're still stable tomorrow, you can be given something to help you sleep more soundly. But, for tonight, these have to stay on."

Ryo's voice was a shamed whisper as he responded. "I know. I understand." As the nurses left, Ryo stared down at the sheets, as if they held the secrets of the universe. He couldn't bring himself to look up at Dee. He couldn't bear to see the disgust he was certain would be in those eyes. Hot, shameful tears burned tracks down his cheeks, and he clenched his fists in frustration, not even able to wipe them away. He started when he felt hands fumbling at his restraints, freeing his wrists. "Dee, what…?"

"How am I supposed to get a hug if you're tied down. Unless… Oh, did you want them left on? And here I thought I was the kinky one." Ryo finally looked up to see Dee giving him a devilish smile. Still, despite his words, he didn't refasten the straps, just took Ryo in his arms for a warm embrace. Ryo returned the grasp, still trembling slightly from the after-effects of his nightmares.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Dee murmured, lips against the top of Ryo's head.

"Nothing to talk about. I had a nightmare. I don't remember it, just that I know it was a nightmare." Ryo's voice was slightly muffled against Dee's chest. "I didn't want to fall asleep. I just didn't sleep well last night. But I didn't want to you see me like this."

Dee felt his lover's tears dampening the front of his shirt, but he didn't comment on that. Instead, he told him "Baby, I'm always happy to see you, however you are. You can't chase me off that easily. Look at how long I kept coming around when you were determined to give me the cold shoulder." Dee drew back a bit, so he could look at the man in his arms. "I love you, Ryo McLean. Never doubt that."

At those words, a beatific smile spread across the older man's face. "I love you too, Dee. Ai…" He broke off abruptly and frowned. His eyes seemed to lose focus a bit as he appeared to engage in some mental struggle.

"Ryo? What's the matter?" Dee kept his voice calm, but he was definitely concerned. He knew what Ryo had been about to say. His lover always told him he loved him in both of his native languages. To just suddenly break off in the middle of a word was worrying, to say the least.

"I can't… I can't remember the word. I mean, it's right on the tip of my tongue, I know I know it, but it's just out of reach. Arrrgh! My brains must be scrambled from not sleeping well."

"That's okay, babe. I know what you were saying too." Dee decided to let the matter drop for now, pulling up the chair nest to the bed so he could relax and talk to this wonderful man.

They sat and talked, telling each other about their respective days. Dee listened to the difficulties Ryo had with his testing, soothing his anxiety over waiting for the results. Ryo in turn chuckled as Dee railed against his current partner, who apparently thought Dee had called in the day before to spite her somehow. Dee then brought out the contents of the bad he'd brought. "Dee, I don't think you could have picked two more opposite books if you'd tried," Ryo quietly laughed. "Thank you for the books and the music. This will make tomorrow go faster."

Shortly thereafter, a nurse poked her head in. "Visiting hours are over, Mr. Latener, Mr. McLean. Time to say goodnight." With that, she pulled her head back out of the room and shut the door to give them a bit of privacy.

"I don't want to leave you here alone. I can't just leave you here like this." Pain was evident in Dee's voice.

"Shhh. You have work tomorrow. And you can't stay anyway." Ryo looked down, then back up at his lover. Will you…" He swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. "Will you help me do these up again? I can't fasten them myself."

Dee closed his eyes, trying to block out the waves of grief and helplessness he felt. He then did the most difficult thing he'd ever had to endure. He refastened the restraints around those slim wrists. Leaning over, he placed a loving kiss on the other man's lips. "I'll come by tomorrow after work, I promise. We'll make it through this."

"I'll see you, then." Ryo's voice had a note of despair and defeat that wrenched Dee's heart further. "Go on. Don't make them drag you out. Sleep well, Dee. I… I love you, Dee."

"I love you too, Ryo." he whispered. He then turned and left before he broke down. He managed to make it all the way to his car before the tears started. Once they started, though, he couldn't stop them. So he sat in the parking lot behind the wheel of his car and sobbed for nearly 30 minutes before he was able to leave. It wasn't until he got home that he realized he'd never asked the nurses about when Ryo could come home. But his exhaustion prevented him from thinking any further on it. He simply changed into the sweatpants he usually wore to bed and curled himself up under the covers, starting to sob again, until he fell into a restless sleep.

$$$$$$

TBC

AN: Well, this chapter was a bit hard for me. Mostly because I no longer really know where this story is going. My muse took a left turn last chapter, and now she won't tell me anything more than she has to. Even I'm feeling bad for Dee and Ryo, and I'm the one writing this. Well, thanks for sticking it out so far. Next chapter: The psych evaluation (Dun dun dun!). Review, onegai.

Review responses:

First off: Whoo-hoo! Over 50 reviews! Thank you everyone!

The Bard's Apprentice: Giving him a sedative would have been too easy on him, and my muse is determined to be evil. And yeah, I figured Dee was raised by a nun, something must have rubbed off. PTSD? Maaaaaybe.

ShadowPassinThru: Welcome back! Here's more to feed the addiction.

Devil666sc: I feel even worse for Ryo after this chapter. Last time was bad enough, alone in the room, but now to have to watch Dee walk away when he's like that… I can't say I'm sorry if you cried, because I think it's sad, and if you were upset then I'm conveying things well. As for the happy ending, well, I'm not promising everything works out perfectly, but I've decided that the ending will be at least somewhat happy, even if I have to beat my muse into submission for it.

firgodes7: Thank you, I'm glad to know I'm showing steady improvement. Hope this lived up to expectations.

Ri Ame Toraookami: Thank you. Hope you enjoyed the chappie.

Chris-Redfield26: I won't leave it hanging. I know, there's nothing more frustrating than a story you're into that gets abandoned.

Kitty in the Box: Here's more. As for the mental stuff: you've been getting peeks of some of it, but you'll get the whole deal next chapter.

darkess: Hopefully this will sate them temporarily, until next week's chapter.

PsycoKittyPyro: Well, here's more. Hope you enjoyed.

Kyle-Brofloski3: Thank you! Yeah, not a light fluffy story. I'm not too good at those.

LinaStar: Oh, yeah, I'm cruel and evil to Ryo and to Dee. I'm just not sure which is worse: Ryo having to suffer this, or Dee having to watch Ryo suffer and not being able to help.

RU-BOO: Huggles her new Ryo plushie Thankee! Okay, breathing is good. I try to update once a week. I've made a promise to myself that I won't abandon this story, so it will get finished. (Muse reads review… "Kill Ryo? I hadn't thought of that. Hmmm…") O.O Bad Muse! Please don't give her ideas. I'm working on keeping him alive, even if my evil muse has some wicked thoughts.

Ryoan: I'm glad you're enjoying. I hope this keeps your interest. I also hope to see you next week as well!

Okay, that's it, back to the salt mines for me. Ja ne!


	7. Grasping At Memories

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: Again? Okay, okay, I don't own these characters, just the plot.**

**Warnings: See Prologue**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_ ------- = POV/Scene change**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers.**

**AN: Sumimasen! I'm so sorry! RL decided to intrude on my writing time, and I had to work this past weekend. Fair warning: the next update will be posted sometime on Sunday, as I have to work this coming Saturday as well. Okay, on with the show!**

Chapter 6: "Grasping at Memories"

Ryo was feeling slightly more rested the next morning. He'd only woken up twice in the night, which was much better than the first night. He made a conscious effort to throw off the feelings of sickening fear that had gripped him the night before. It was more of a chore than he liked to admit. It particularly bothered him that he couldn't remember anything concrete from these nightmares. He knew that if he could just get a grasp on what he was dreaming about, he could then come to terms with it and thus overcome it. But these dreams slipped away like water. He sighed and rang for the nurst to come let him loose. Finally, having been freed and allowed to relieve himself, he sat back in bed, waiting for breakfast, and decided to read a little to pass the time. He grabbed The Art of War off the bedside table, and paused for a moment, smiling as he looked at the cover of the book. He was happy Dee had brought this particular book, it was truly one of his favorites. He'd always taken some comfort in the idea that, no matter what, some things would always hold true, and the ideas in this book were one of those. With these peaceful thoughts, he cracked open the cover and tried to concentrate on Sun Tzu's treatise on military strategy.

Tried proved to be the operative word. Ryo growled to himself as he realized he'd read the same passage three times, and it still wouldn't stick with him. _Damn._ It just wasn't making a lot of sense to him right now. He was prevented from thinking any more on it for the moment, as the orderly came through with his breakfast. Then came the nurse to check his vitals and tell him what was scheduled for the day. Today he was to see the staff psychologist for more testing. Ryo's eyes darkened at the thought of another day like the one before. But he should get to hear the results from yesterday's testing, at least. So, he guessed things could be worse.

By the time he went down for his testing, he'd forgotten about his annoyance with his book that morning.

**-------**

After a morning spent with the psychologist, getting more tests than he'd thought possible, he went back to his room for lunch, then down to start his physical therapy regimen. By the time that was over, Ryo had revised his view of Hell to include many of the execises he'd had to endure. The therapist head told hime that he was lucky because he'd been in such good shape before, this made things a lot easier for him. His response was only to growl out that if this was easy, he didn't even want to contemplate what she called hard.

Back to the room again to have one of the (thankfully male) nurses help him shower, then the time he'd been both anticipating and dreading: the doctor came in with his file to discuss the results of all of his testing.

Ryo looked over the man who had walked in, taking in his appearance in one swift glance. A slightly portly man, mid-50's, salt-and-pepper hair and brown eyes, he carried an air of authority, and his body language conveyed a sort of impatient self-importance. "Good afternoon, Mr. McLean. I'm Dr. Grumbos. I've reviewed your information and I'd like to discuss it with you. Are you feeling up to that?"

"Yeah, might as well get this part over with. So, is it fatal?" Ryo grinned, trying to make light of his situation. Dr. Grumbos was obviously less amused.

"No, Mr. McLean, your injuries aren't fatal. In fact, the CAT scan results are good, over all. The head injury you sustained has healed nicely. The physical therapist was quite impressed during her assessment as well. She tells me she's discussed a therapy schedule with you?" At Ryo's nod, he continued. "Very well, then. Dr. Schmidt, whom you saw today for assessment, will be here in just a bit to discuss the results of his testing today. Then he and I will talk so that we can determine when you are to be released. Now, I understand that you've been having some trouble staying asleep? Nightmares?"

Ryo's eyes dropped. He still didn't like to talking about this. "Yeah. Something like that."

"Well, I'm prescribing something to help you sleep though the night. Because we don't know how effective the dose will be, you will still need to be restrained for the next few nights for observations. Any questions?"

"Yes. When will you know how much longer I have to be here? Not that your hospitality leaves anything to be desired, but I miss my own bed and my own home."

"I need to consult with Dr. Schmidt. I should have more information for you tomorrow."

"Okay. Thanks."

The doctor turned and left, leaving Ryo to his thoughts. He was feeling reasonably happy, as it looked like he might be getting out of this place sooner rather than later. He truly detested being in the hospital, it brought back too many bad memories. Having to see his parents' bodies was one of the worst things he'd ever been through. Though, that wasn't the only reason he hated these sterile white rooms. The other reason was something he'd tried very hard to forget, something he'd never told Dee or Bikky. About a month after his parents' death, his aunt and uncle had rushed him to the hospital to get his stomach pumped because he'd downed a bottle of sleeping pills along with half a bottle of vodka. He'd been confined to the hospital for 3 days, most of the time strapped down to the bed "for his own safety." It was really just the grief of losing his parents and the realization that the police could do nothing that had pushed him to that point. He knew, looking back, how absolutely stupid such a thing was. But it was shameful, having been so weak. Now he was being forcibly reminded of his weakness, the straps on his bed driving the point home with a vengeance. He buried his face in his hands and cried as he was caught up in all these thoughts and memories.

After a few minutes, his tears started and he began to regain his composure. Grabbing some tissues, he wiped his face, trying to make himself presentable again. Glancing at the clock, he saw he still had plenty of time to kill before his lover arrived, so he decided to read a bit more.

He was still on the same page a few minutes later when Dr. Schmidt came in the room.

"Ah, good afternoon, Mr. McLean. How are you feeling this afternoon."

"Well, I imagine I'll feel better once I know when I can go home." Ryo smiled up at the easygoing man.

"Of course. And that is one of the things I'm here to discuss with you. Do you mind if I have a seat?"

"Not at all."

Dr. Schmidt sat in the chair that was drawn up next to the bed, and opened the file he was carrying. "I've got the results of your testing, and I'd like to go over everything with you. Is now a good time?"

"Well, Doctor, I don't seem to have any pressing appointments." Ryo spoke with light sarcasm, trying not to show just how nervous he really was. However, this did not escape the doctor's notice.

"If you'd prefer that we discuss this tomorrow, we can."

"No! I really want to get this over with. It's a lot worse worrying about what might be than knowing what's really going on."

"Okay." Dr. Schmidt pulled out a copy of the CAT scan results. "To start with, as I'm sure Dr. Grumbos told you, your CAT scan results do show that the major damage you had received has healed nicely. However, there are a few areas of concern to me. Most of the damage you experienced was around your language centers. The scan does show a bit of lingering damage. Now, the good news is that, with time and some therapy, this should become unnoticeable. The human brain is amazingly adaptable, so it can work around the damaged areas. Now, your testing with me points to some difficulty with written language, both reading and writing. Also, you seem to occasionally have some difficulty in locating the words your looking for when you're speaking. I'm not going to lie to you and say that it's nothing, and that it will go away. But, it is something that can be overcome. You've probably been feeling like you're on an emotional rollercoaster lately. That is mostly due to stress, and I think that, once you're back home in a familiar environment that will even out. Same with the nightmares, I expect they're being exacerbated by being here. So, I am going to be giving Dr. Grumbos my recommendation that you be released as soon as your physical health allows. Now, I know I've given you a lot to think about. Do you have any questions for me right now?"

Ryo sat quietly on his bed, trying to take in everything he'd just been told. "Um, just that you said that, what's wrong with me, I can get over it, with therapy, right? I mean, it's not like this is forever, right?"

Dr. Schmidt smiled kindly. "That's correct, Mr. McLean. Any problems you're having now can be overcome. But it will take time and effort."

"Oh, okay… Thank you. I don't have any other questions. I think… I think I'd like to be alone right now, and get used to all of this."

"Of course, Mr. McLean. I understand that it's a lot to take in. I'll see you tomorrow so we can start getting you on the road to recovery." With that, the doctor rose and took his leave.

Watching him go, Ryo felt a little numb. Everything the doctor had said made sense, but it was so much to try to take in all at once. And, even though the doctor assured him that he could get better, he really wanted nothing more than for Dee to be there right now, to take him in those strong arms and tell him that everything was going to be alright. Looking down at the book on the bedside table, he realized now that it wasn't just nervousness and lack of concentration that had made it so difficult to read this morning. What had once been one of his favorite activities was now turning into a chore. In a fit of anger, he picked up the book and hurled it at the opposite wall, letting out a string of curse words in both English and Japanese. It was at that point that Dee walked in, finding his lover in a truly pissed off mood.

**-------**

AN: I know, I usually have review responses, but I need to get this posted, so I'll include everybody next chapter (promise)!

Ja ne!


	8. Hope and Deliverance

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: Not even pretending to own these characters, just the plot.**

**Warnings: Language, Angst…make that a lot of Angst, Shonen-ai**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_ ===== = POV/Scene change**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers. Review responses are below.**

Chapter 7: "Hope and Deliverance"

Dee opened the door just in time to see the book hit the wall opposite the bed, and hear an exceptionally colourful string of curses from the blonde-haired man on the bed. His eyes widened at the anger in his lover's voice as well as at his choice of words. Ryo almost never swore, and when he did it was just a few well-chosen words. It was not this tirade that would make a sailor blush. He decided he'd better make his presence known, as Ryo hadn't seemed to notice him yet. "Uh, Ryo, what's going on?"

Ryo spun at the sound of that voice. He was so angry and upset that he hadn't noticed the door opening. Suddenly all of the anger boiling inside of him had a target. "What difference does it make to you what's happening? It's not like you could do anything about it!"

The words stung, but Dee tried to ignore it. "C'mon, Ryo. You know I'll do anything I can for you. I'm here for you."

"Don't you think you've done enough? It's only because I was busy thinking of you that I got in that accident. If you had left me alone like I asked you to when we bet, this would never have happened. I wouldn't be stuck in a fucking hospital have lost four fucking months of my life and have to spend the rest of fucking brain damaged! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ryo's voice had steadily increased in volume until he was shouting that last sentence.

The words hit Dee like a physical blow, and he stumbled back slightly at the rage burning in those brown eyes. All of his worries, all of his self-doubt was suddenly brought to the forefront of his mind. _Is he right? Is this somehow my fault?_ "Ryo, I…" He trailed off, not sure what he was going to say. What could he say? That he was sorry? For what? He couldn't be sorry for going after Ryo. Even now, even after what had been said, he loved the half-Japanese man with all of his soul.

For his part, Ryo sat glaring at Dee, but he could feel the anger slowly ebbing, eaten away by the fear that was at the root of everything. After several long moments, he dissolved into tears, his shoulders beginning to heave with the force of his sobs.

Seeing this, Dee was uncertain what he should do. Would Ryo want him anywhere near? But he couldn't stand just watching as his lover hurt. Without thinking too much on what he was doing, he crossed the room and took the slender man in his arms, trying to soothe away that pain. Not knowing what to say, he just silently held Ryo in his arms, rubbing his hands gently up and down his back. They stayed that way for some time, until Ryo's sobs subsided into the occasional hiccup.

Ryo sighed into Dee's shirt as the younger man held him. He felt drained, as f all his energy had poured out along with his tears. He could still feel the tears at the back of his eyes, threatening to spill out at the least provocation. He was frightened, afraid of not being able to get back what he'd lost. He was also afraid that, once Dee found out, he wouldn't want anything more to do with him, or, worse yet, that he would only stay out of pity. He knew, rationally, that Dee had stayed with him all along and wasn't likely to leave after all this time, but fear is rarely a rational thing. He knew that was what had driven him to say such hurtful things: if he said those things, if he broke it off first, then he wouldn't have to hear Dee say he was leaving. But now he knew that he didn't ever want to be far from this warm and comforting embrace. Words said, however, can't be unsaid, and Ryo was unsure as to how to break the mood and try to make up for what he'd said. Thankfully, he was saved by Dee's gentle voice breaking the silence.

"Want to talk about it now?"

"Oh, God, Dee, I'm sorry!" Ryo felt the tears begin again, and he couldn't hold them back. "I didn't mean it, it's not your fault, please, I'm sorry!"

"Shhhh, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it. Do you want to tell me what started all this?"

Ryo managed to get himself under control, more or less. He still felt drained, but at least he wasn't subbing anymore. He straightened in Dee's arms, pulling away just slightly so he could look up into those green eyes. "Why don't you sit down so we can talk."

Dee drew back to sit on the chair, but kept Ryo's hand in his own, unwilling to completely break off contact when Ryo was still obviously upset. Truth be told, the touch was as much a comfort to Dee as it was to Ryo. From what Ryo had let slip, Dee had a pretty good idea of what Ryo had to say, and the very idea frightened him.

Ryo looked down at the hand holding his, and he decided to twine their fingers together, not wanting to lose that contact. He took a deep breath before starting, hoping Dee would understand. "I got my test results back today. All my test results. The good news is that my physical therapist is very happy and says that with some work I'll be back in top shape." Ryo paused, looking up into Dee's eyes with a weak smile.

Dee smiled back encouragingly. "That's very good news, babe. But I get the feeling there's more."

Ryo dropped his eyes again, looking back at their clasped hands. "Yeah, I also got the results from the psychologist…" He trailed off, not wanting to continue. He didn't want to say it out loud, as if that would make it more real. If he never said the words, he could deny what was happening; but the minute he admitted it to Dee, he also admitted it to himself.

Dee could see the struggle his lover was going through in the tense set of his shoulders and his entire posture that screamed he'd rather be a million miles away. The dark-haired man wisely kept quiet, giving Ryo time to gather his thoughts, and gently squeezed the hand he was holding in reassurance.

Ryo steeled his resolve, wanting to get this over with. When he spoke the words came out in a rush, as if he was afraid of stopping and not being able to start again. "He said that when my head was hit it damaged part of my brain that controls language. That's why I've been having trouble with coming up with the right words sometimes. It's also made it more difficult for me to read and write. But there's therapy I can go through to try to learn to work around it. It's just that, right now, I feel so lost, like I'm an idiot because I can't do things I ought to be able to…" Ryo finally looked up into his lover's eyes. "I'm scared, Dee. What if I never get it all back? What if I'm permanently damaged? Could you… Could you still love someone like that?"

"It doesn't matter if I could love someone like that. I love you, no matter what. Do you think I'd stop for something like this? Sorry, Ryo, but you're stuck with me."

"But what if I don't get better? What if I spend the rest of my life like this?"

"That's enough of that, Ryo. Have some faith in yourself, I have faith in you. I know you can beat this. You're a very strong person, very determined. I know, because it's one of the things that made me fall in love with you. And I'll be here for you, I'll help however I can. Okay?"

Ryo sniffed a few times, blinking the rest of the tears out of his eyes. "Okay." He smiled softly. " I love you so much, you know."

"Yeah, I know, because I feel the same."

======

TBC

AN: Okay, I hate myself for writing the first part of this chapter, but I think I made up for it a bit with the waff at the end. Next week back to the regular posting schedule of Saturday morning/afternoon. Well, review please. Ja ne.

Review responses:

Wow! I feel totally loved, everyone! Thanks so much to all my reviewers!

Sweet Sakura Curls: Ryo doesn't even know what his nightmares are about, so I couldn't really say. Sorry.

Chris-Redfield26: Thank you for your words of encouragement. And yeah, truly pissed Ryo is scary, ne?

g iris: Thank you for your comments. I almost feel that this may be more difficult for Dee to cope with, because he feels so helpless, you know?

Devil666sc: My muse came back and came up with that whole argument, she's evil like that. And yeah, I tend to curse in multiple languages when I'm ticked too.

ShadowPassinThru: I'm glad you liked the foreshadowing. Hopefully this continues to live up to expectations.

firgodes: Yeah, I am being mean to him, and in turn to Dee, as you see. I blame my muse. .

Ryoan: I've always thought that it's harder having to be strong for someone else, and not getting a chance to cry. Because everyone knows that it's so hard what the person you love is going through, but you have to go through all of this too. And, yeah, I don't want Ryo to die (and will fight my psycho little muse to the last on that one .)

the random queen: Well, I wouldn't say he's losing his mind, just damaged. And I'm glad you approved of my writing about a suicide attempt from when he was younger. It was a compromise, since my muse wanted him to try to kill himself, I want him alive and reasonably well.

RU-BOO: Oooo, a Dee plushie! Gomen! The muse is still evil, but more manageable now, thanks!

Kitty in the Box: I hope they'll be okay too, at least as much as they can be, considering.

Ri Ame Toraookami: I'm glad you're enjoying. Now you know what Ryo ended up saying…aren't you sorry you asked. (evil grin)?

Kyle-Brofloski3: I hope you continue to enjoy.

WildfireFriendship: Thank you! I'm glad to hear that my characterization of Ryo is turning out well.

muyoluv20: Okay, here's the update for you, will you please not give me chibi eyes? They make me feel guilty for hurting the bishies.

Linastar: Yup, there's actual plot here now.


	9. Inbetween Days

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: Something clever about me not owning them and not being sued.**

**Warnings: Language, Angst, Shonen-ai/Yaoi, snogging**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_ ===== = POV/Scene change**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers. Review responses will be in next chapter.**

**AN: This takes place a month after the last chapter**

Chapter 8: "Inbetween Days"

Dee rushed around straightening and cleaning the apartment. He smiled ruefully; there was a time in his life that he'd never have believed he would spend a Friday night at home, cleaning. But here he was, washing floors, dusting, the whole works. Of course, this was for a special occasion, because come the next morning he was going to go get Ryo and bring him home. Over the last month, he'd spent every spare moment with his lover, wanting to help however he could. On top of that, a few of the cases he'd been on had broken, so he'd had to put in some long hours at work too. As a result, he'd neglected to keep up the apartment. But knowing how organized Ryo was, Dee wanted to make sure the place was in top shape for his homecoming.

It had been about a month since Ryo had woken up, and that month had been tougher than all four that Ryo had been unconscious. Dee was so worried for Ryo, who was still struggling with parts of his therapy. Dee remembered the night he'd walked in on Ryo's outburst, when the brown-eyed man had snapped and yelled at him. He'd managed to stay calm and get Ryo calmed down, but when he left the hospital that night, he couldn't go home. Rather, he went to the orphanage run by Mother Lane. He'd felt bad about going there late in the evening, but he'd really needed a sympathetic ear. So he'd sat there, spilling out everything: all of his fears, his feelings of inadequacy, his uncertainty. He even told her of his fear that God was punishing them for being in love with one another. At any other time he wouldn't have event thought such a thing, but how else could he explain it? Ryo hadn't done anything to deserve all of this.

Mother had been quick to set him straight. She reassured him that love was one of the blessings of God, no matter whom it was with. And she promised to keep them both in her prayers.

Dee had done the same, praying every night for Ryo's health and for the strength to help him through this. And now, at last all of Ryo's hard work was starting to pay off. The physical therapist declared him well enough to come home. Dr. Schmidt had also told them that Ryo would recover more quickly once he was out of the hospital.

Dee looked around the apartment, satisfied. If there was a speck of dust anywhere, it deserved a salute of respect for withstanding that furious cleaning. Deciding that nothing further could be done to make the place look good, he stretched and yawned widely. _I'd better get to bed. I want to be at the hospital early; I don't want to make Ryo wait a second longer than he has to._ With those thoughts, he got ready and went to bed.

======

The next day was surprisingly uneventful. Dee got to the hospital just as they were taking Ryo's vitals and giving him one last examination before releasing him. Then getting him dressed in real clothes, something he obviously relished. Getting the schedule worked out for Ryo to come in for his therapies, and receiving details on Ryo's dietary recommendations, as the doctor still wanted to see him gain more of his weight back. Finally, being taken out to the car in a last wheelchair ride.

Ryo savored the freedom of being out in the open air, away from the stuffy halls and disinfectant smell of the hospital. He took pleasure in just being in the car with the window down, feeling the air rush past his face and play with his hair. He reached up and tucked the strands behind his right ear as he stared absentmindedly out of the car window. He was thinking of leaving his hair longer, having gotten used to it while he was in the hospital. "Dee?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"What do you think? Should I keep my hair long like this?" Pulling up to a stoplight, Dee turned to the sandy-haired man, reaching up to run his fingers through those locks. "Hmmm. I don't know. I like being able to run my hands though it, but I don't want it to cover your eyes. Tough choice." Dee turned back forward just as the light changed and started the car moving again.

"Humph. You're no help," Ryo gently teased.

Dee just grinned as he drove. Finally, they were pulling into the parking garage at the apartment. Sliding into a parking slot, Dee killed the engine, popped off his seatbelt, and twisted in his sear to look over at his lover. "Long, short, you can shave your head bald if it makes you happy. Just as long as you stay here with me. Is that a deal?"

Ryo smiled at the sweet sentiment. "I think I can agree to those terms. It's a deal."

"Well, then, we should seal the deal." Dee smirked as he reached up, burying his hands in that sandy hair. He leaned forward slowly towards Ryo, who allowed his eyes to drift shut and released a short sigh of anticipation. At first, Dee let his lips just brush over the other man's; a soft, teasing contact that send shudders through both of them. But soon he began to kiss Ryo in earnest, Ryo responding with enthusiasm. Keeping one hand buried in those wonderful locks, Dee let his other hand drift down to Ryo's waist, massaging his hop as he pressed forward.

For his own part, Ryo had his hands clenched in the front of Dee's shirt, pulling the dark-haired man close. When lack of air forced them to break apart, Dee rested his forehead against Ryo's letting their panting breaths mingle. He pulled back a little further, looking down at his love. "We should get you upstairs. Because, as fun as this is, I think we'd be a lot more comfortable on the couch."

"Yeah…or the bed." Ryo gave a smile that left no doubt of his intentions.

Dee drew in a shaky breath. "Uhhh… I think we should just stick to the couch for now. I don't want to completely wear you out." Dee drew back completely as Ryo's hands slipped from the front of his shirt. Turning, he opened his door and got out of the car. Walking around to the other side of the car, he opened the door for Ryo, who has apparently taken the moment to compose himself. Helping his love out of the car, he couldn't resist running his fingers through strands of sand-coloured silk. "Ya know, this really is growing on me."

Ryo leaned into the touch slightly, cherishing every moment of contact with his lanky lover. "Mmmmm. Growing on me, really, whether I like it or not. C'mon. Upstairs. I wanna pick up where we left off."

"'As you wish.'" Dee grinned and winked, popping open the trunk and grabbing the bag of Ryo's things before locking up the car.

"As I wish, huh? What's next? You start sporting a black mask and calling yourself 'The Dread Pirate Roberts?'" With that comment, both men broke into laughter as they walked towards the elevators, arm in arm.

Once they got up to the apartment, Ryo sand down to the couch as Dee walked into the bedroom to take care of his bag. He was still somewhat weak, physically, and he definitely wanted to conserve his energy so he could finally enjoy himself with his green-eyed lover.

Dee finished unpacking the few things that were in the bag Ryo brought home and went back out to the living room. Looking down at the man he loved, he said "Now, where were we?" He sat down on the couch so that he faced towards Ryo and leaned forward. "If I recall correctly, it was right abut here."

Ryo smiled, love reflecting in his eyes. "Tenshi. Wa… Wat…" He stumbled over what he was trying to say. His eyes darkened in frustration. "Damnit. This shouldn't be so hard."

Dee cupped Ryo's cheek with his hand. "It's okay, Ryo."

"No, Dee, it's not okay." He took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "Watashi no tenshi. My angel. I know the words, they just don't always come. And it's very frustrating." He felt Dee's hand still resting on his cheek, and his thumb rubbing back and forth over his scars. He turned his head, dislodging that hand and let his hair fall forward to cover that half of his face. "Shit. What a way to kill the mood, huh?"

Dee put his hand back on Ryo's cheek, refusing to be deterred. "You know, I've always put more stock in actions anyway. Words are overrated." With that, he leaned in and kissed Ryo again. "I'd say the mood is still alive and kicking, babe."

Ryo smiled up at the man he loved. "You're incorrigible."

"Yeah, I am, aren't I? Like I said, less talk, more action." Following his own advice he drew closer to Ryo and rained small kisses on his face, neither avoiding the scars nor paying any special attention to them.

Ryo couldn't help but respond to such obvious affection. So he paid Dee back in kind, pressing his lips against the other man's and wrapping his arms around his back.

Thus they spend a pleasant few hours, cuddling and snogging on the couch, until their stomachs reminded them that food was in order. After dinner it was back on the couch to watch television for a while, then to bed in each other's arms. For the first time in too long, sleep came easy and peaceful to both of them.

=====

AN: Um, what can I say but the fluff muse and the hentai muse locked my angst muse in the closet for this chapter. Oh, and virtual cookies to everybody who guesses what movie Dee and Ryo are talking about. Well, review, please, and see you next week. Ja ne.


	10. Just Between You and Me

**Mad World**

**Dee X Ryo, hints of Bikky X Carol**

**Disclaimer: SisterRaven doesn't own these characters, nor does she make any claim to them (as much as she may want to). And no, I don't think talking about myself in the third person is a sign of insanity.**

**Warnings: See Previous**

**_Italics _= Thoughts or Flashback_,_ =-=-=-=-= = POV/Scene change**

**Again, much thanks to my beta readers. Review responses are below.**

**AN: The angst muse broke out of the closet and promised bloodshed for being locked up. Consider yourself warned.**

Chapter 9: "Just Between You and Me"

Ryo was startled from sleep by the unfamiliar jangling of the alarm clock. He was momentarily disoriented by not seeing the white walls that had grown all too familiar. He relaxed, however, upon hearing Dee groan next to him.

"Ugh. Shit, that's obnoxious." Dee blinked bleary green eyes at his lover. He reached across Ryo's body to smack the top of the clock, hitting the snooze button and getting a few minutes reprieve. Dee grinned, realizing his position halfway across Ryo. He lowered his head for a good morning kiss. When they broke for air he said, "Sorry you had to wake up to that annoying thing, babe."

"S'okay. Don't mind." He snuggled deeper into Dee's arms. "Wish you didn't have to go to work, though."

"Well, I could call in…"

"No you can't. I know you, Dee, and I highly doubt that you have the time off available. You almost always take your time off as soon as you've earned it."

"You're no fun." Dee stretched like a cat and clambered out of bed. Turning off the alarm clock, he looked back down at Ryo still half covered by the sheet. I'm gonna take my shower and get ready. I'll try to keep it down. You go back to sleep."

Feeling relaxed in his own bed, Ryo decided to take this very sensible advice. "Mmm-kay. See you when you get home. Love you."

"Love you too. Sleep well." Dee padded over to the bathroom and began to get ready for his day.

Ryo lay relaxing, taking comfort in the small sounds Dee made as he got ready for work. By the time Dee was leaving the apartment, Ryo had managed to fall back asleep.

About an hour later, Ryo woke up again, still feeling somewhat lethargic. He realized that, however much he wanted to spend the day in bed, he needed to get up and get ready to go to the hospital for his therapy. So he shoved off the covers, sat up, then rose and traced many of the same steps that Dee had that morning. He then left the apartment and took the bus over to the hospital for his therapy that day.

Things went well, overall. Ryo was building back his physical strength, to the happiness of both himself and his physical therapist. The session with Dr. Schmidt was frustrating at times, but Ryo felt as if he were starting to make progress. Ryo went home feeling a bit worn both physically and mentally, but satisfied.

He took a short nap at home, and decided he felt up to doing something for Dee. So he went into the kitchen intending to cook dinner for that night. He looked through the cupboards and refrigerator for something he could make that wouldn't take too much out of him. Finding everything he needed, he made a simple meal of baked chicken, steamed broccoli, and instant rolls. He finished just as Dee got home. "Perfect timing as always, love."

"Ryo! You didn't have to do this. You should be taking it easy." Dee looked over at the sandy-hared man worriedly.

"Dee, I'm not going to sit around and do nothing all day; I'd go stir-crazy if I did. Now, c'mon, sit down and eat before it gets cold." Taking his own advice, Ryo sat down at the table and began dishing up his meal. Dee sighed in defeat. He knew this wasn't an argument he was going to win. So he decided to make the best of it, enjoying a simple meal lovingly prepared. He had to admit, he'd been living too long on carry-out and TV dinners, too tired most nights to bother cooking for himself. So, he sat down and made small talk over dinner, and afterwards he insisted on doing the dishes. When Ryo tried to protest, he forestalled it by saying "Let me do this. It's only fair, after all, seeing how you cooked and we both ate. So, I should clean up."

Once the dishes were cleared, Dee and Ryo made their way into the living room where Dee popped in a movie. As The Princess Bride started, he settled down and pulled his brown-eyed lover into his arms to enjoy a movie he considered a guilty pleasure.

As the final scene ended and the credits began, Ryo yawned loudly and stretched, ending with his arms loosely around Dee's neck. The dark-haired man chuckled. "Okay, I can take a hint. Let's go get some sleep." As Dee stretched and rose, walking through the apartment, turning off lights and making sure the door was locked, Ryo watched appreciatively. He was once again reminded of a cat: sleek, graceful, and moving with a self-assured power. He shook himself out of his reverie and went into the bedroom to get ready for bed, Dee following closely behind.

Dee finished changing clothes and saying his prayers and climbed into the large bed. Ryo was about to join him when he remembered that he'd wanted to grab a glass of water to keep by the bedside, in case he woke up in the middle of the night. "I'll be right there, Dee. Just need to run to the kitchen for a minute." With that, he padded into the kitchen barefooted, not bothering with the lights. He took down a glass by memory and filled it with water from the tap by the light filtering in through the living room window. Turning and walking towards the bedroom, however, he made a small miscalculation, stubbing his toe viciously on the door jamb. Water sloshed out of the glass making it slick, and, as he lost his balance, he also lost his grip. The glass shattered as it hit the hardwood floor, and Ryo followed its path, trying unsuccessfully to catch himself. His palm hit the floor to break his fall, but immediately slid through the water, landing Ryo hard on the floor. As he tried to draw back in the air that had been knocked from him by the fall, he felt a sharp stabbing in his side that made him whimper in pain.

**=-=-=-=-=**

Dee had heard the crash of breaking glass and struggled out of bed in a near-panic. Struggling to disentangle himself from the sheets, he made it to the door and slapped on the light, looking down to see Ryo lying there, surrounded by water and broken glass. Dee froze, the sight too reminiscent of the nightmares he'd had when Ryo had been in his accident. It was the pained noises Ryo was making that broke him from his trance and he raced over to pick up his lover, heedless of the shards cutting his own feet.

For his own part, Ryo tried to keep very still, for as soon as the lights came on, he found himself faced with an exceptionally vicious shard of glass that was standing straight up, directly in front of his eyes. He realized that if he'd fallen just a quarter of an inch forward, he wouldn't have been seeing anything anymore, it would have gone right through his eye. His breaths were short and shallow, because trying to breathe any deeper drove the glass he'd landed on deeper into his side. He couldn't stop the pained noises he made when Dee picked him up, and he realized that he was probably going to pass out from hyperventilating, but he couldn't get himself to stop either.

Running on adrenaline, Dee carried him to the couch, where he set him down to try to look at the damage. He forced himself to calm down, to treat Ryo like any other victim he might have found. He fell back on his police training, focusing on facts and keeping a leash on his emotions. He could have a breakdown later, after the job was done. He realized that Ryo was breathing much to fast, and that he wasn't going to last in that condition. He looked up and caught Ryo's eyes with his own. "Ryo, calm down. You've got to calm down and take deeper breaths. Listen to me. Focus on breathing. In. Out. Slower. You're going to be okay, it's just a cut, it will heal. But you have to calm down for me. Breathe. Slowly." He spoke quietly, keeping his tone relaxed, not letting the panic show through.

Listening to the voice of the man he trusted above all else, Ryo was able to get himself a bit more under control. He still couldn't breathe too deeply, but he wasn't panting like a dog anymore either. He hissed in pain as he took a particularly deep breath. "Shit. I think there's still glass in there, Dee. Fuck, this hurts."

Dee, seeing his partner gain a little more control, turned back to the task of examining his cuts. He shook his head. "We need to get you to the hospital, I think you're going to need stitches on one of these." With that, he tried to get to his feet. But he hadn't realized just how badly he'd cut them up. "Ow! Fuck!" Looking down, he saw a few cuts on the soles of his feet, but the looked superficial. Nothing dangerous, just painful. "Well, Hell. This is gonna suck." Gritting his teeth against the expected pain, he stood up. "Do you think you can walk? Because I can't carry you the whole way. If you can't, I'll call an ambulance, but I really think it will be quicker if we drive."

"I can walk. But my coat is going to be toast after this." Ryo tried to make a joke of things, so his lover could see he wasn't so badly off, but he still winced in pain as he pushed himself off the couch. He kept one arm wrapped around himself, clutching his wound, knowing that pressure, as much as it may hurt, would slow down the blood flow.

Grabbing jackets and shoes from by the door, the two made their way down to the car. Dee drove like mad to the hospital emergency room where they were taken to separate alcoves and cleaned up. Ryo received 5 stitches on his side and several bandages, as well as some painkillers. Dee hadn't needed stitches, just a few butterfly closures on the wounds on his feet, but he was warned to stay off his feet as much as possible for 24 hours. They were then released to go home.

Dee drove them back much more sedately, and Ryo kept quiet through the entire ride. He felt horribly guilty that Dee had been hurt, it was all his fault for being so clumsy! He wanted to cry, but didn't want to break down in front of Dee, knowing how much he hated seeing tears on Ryo's face. So he held it in and they went back up to the apartment. Ryo worked on cleaning up the glass, as well as the water and blood that had been left on the floor. He then went and joined Dee in bed, wrapping himself around the body of his lover as if afraid he would leave. "I'm sorry, Dee," he whispered, his face buried in the other's chest.

"Shhh, it's okay. It was an accident. It wasn't your fault. I'm just glad you're okay. Now, let's get some sleep, we've had a little too much excitement for one night."

Ryo nodded, but he couldn't shake the feelings of guilt and self-recrimination that echoed in his head and followed him into sleep.

**=-=-=-=-=**

AN: I warned you there would be blood. Um, as I mentioned, virtual cookies to all who guessed that the movie was The Princess Bride (and those who haven't seen it, I highly recommend it, one of my faves). Woo-Hoo, over 100 reviews! Thank you thank you thank you! Here's all of the review responses for the last 2 chappies:

Kitty in the Box: I'm glad you're enjoying this little emotional rollercoaster. Hope this one takes you for some highs and lows too. And Ryo thanks you for the welcome home. .

Kyle-Brofloski3: Sap is good sometimes. But we're back to the angst now, as you see.

Devil666sc: I promise that I'm posting as fast as I can. I work full time so I don't have as much time to write as I'd like.

Ri Ame Toraookami: No, I don't blame Ryo for snapping at Dee. It happens when people get upset. And I'm glad you enjoyed the fluff.

ShadowPassinThru: Thank you for your kind words. It's good to know that I'm not being too unrealistic with how Ryo's reacting to all the trauma he's been through. And as good as the fluff is, angst is back in full force.

Ryoan: Thank you so much for your in-depth reviews. I'm glad to know that you are enjoying the story as it progresses.

the random queen: Thank you.

firgodes7: My muse is behaving herself, just badly. I know the chapters are a bit short, but I prefer to have short chapters once a week rather than longer chapters with who knows how long between.

RU-BOO: Ooooh! A Carol plushie! But now I need Bikky to keep her company… Hope you continue to enjoy.

Chris-Redfield26: Dee will definitely help Ryo out, even when Ryo loses it and blows up at him. No butt-kicking needed. . We should see more of Bikky and Carol in the next chapter or so.

SilverStarlight2: The angst muse broke out for this chapter, as you see. She's gotten quite good at picking locks lately.

jmccall93: Glad you liked the reference, it is one my favorite movies.

g iris: Glad you liked the chapter. This one ends on more of a down note, I'm afraid. But things will get better eventually.

Daylight Starr: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. Hope this lives up to expectations.

Youki no ko: Well, with mental problems, it's usually a matter of working around it, they don't often go away. So, Ryo's not out of the woods yet. But I think that cuddling will be good medicine for him.

irishKaoru: Yup, that's the movie. Thank you for your kind comments.

The Bard's Apprentice: My fluff and hentai muses thank you. (They made the cookies, by the way). And they got to have a little fun at the beginning of this chapter, until angst picked the lock on the closet door.

asdfghl: First, thank you for taking the time to review. I hope you are enjoying the story. Second, you asked a very legitimate question, which I would like to address. I don't believe that I ever stated Ryo speaks fluent Japanese. I don't know that he does, I've never asked. But, I can see where you got the impression. I truly didn't mean for it to come off that way. I believe that, having 1 Japanese parent, Ryo is likely to have picked up some words and phrases in Japanese. This would be especially true of terms of affection/endearment, such as "Ai shiteru" and "Watashi no tenshi," as he was likely to hear them as a child. Knowing the translation of those terms does not mean that the speaker knows anything more than that. Frankly, I doubt that Ryo is truly fluent in Japanese; because even if he was once well versed from speaking with that side of his family, he likely hasn't practiced in a long time, and what skill he may have had has likely atrophied. All in all, I apologize if I gave the impression that Ryo was fluent. It just seemed likely that, seeing as he doesn't use the Japanese as much as he uses English, this would be a skill that would suffer the most as a result of his injury. I hope this satisfies your curiosity. If you have further questions, please feel free to email me or leave them in a review, and if you leave your email address, I will send you a response directly.

Okay, back to the grindstone for me. You've already read, so review please! Ja ne!


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